In Your Memory

My grandfather was known by many different names to many different people: husband, father, grandfather, Uncle, cousin, friend, but to me he was and will always be known as Gaga. Why that name? Well I couldn’t say grandpa when I was learning to speak my first words.  The best I could muster was Gaga and he said that was ok.  So it stuck throughout my whole life. He would even sign his emails, love GaGa.  And GaGa taught me many things about life. Not really through his words. He never really was a speaker and one for Long speeches. I learned so much through his actions. He was fiercely loyal to the one thing that mattered most in life to him: his family.  That started with his wife and children. He worked 3 jobs to make sure there was a roof over their heads, food on the table, and clothes on their back. He put them before himself every day of his life.  He exemplified what it meant to be a husband and a parent. And for me..I was lucky, he was my grandfather and the closest thing to father figure I had growing up.   I never knew my dad growing up, but Gaga raised me as a son and also spoiled me like every grandfather spoils their grandson.  

Through him, I learned the value of hard work and resiliency. As a child, I would mostly see him at night if I heard him eating his dinner around 1am because he was home for a few hours in between his jobs.  

Yet, there was one thing I didn’t learn. This is kind of embarrassing, but I never could make a tie as well as him. As a kid it was always easier to let him do it. As a teen and adult, that continued. I’d even bring new ties to him so he could make them.  Now, yesterday and today, I had to make my own tie for the very first time and it was to attend his funeral. Almost poetic how that happened.

I hope I did a good enough job so that he’d be proud.

And now it’s my hope that each day from today I can make him proud with everything I do. He gave up so much of himself for me and the rest of his family. The only way I know how to thank him now is to work hard, stay loyal to the people and things that matter, have a huge heart, and to do the right thing even in the face of adversity.  Im really not able to truly capture into words how thankful and blessed I was to have you in my life as my grandfather. It is my goal now, with you watching, to show you and make you as proud of me as I am of you.

Letter to Mom

Dear Mom,

It’s been 20 years since you passed.  I can’t believe it’s been that long, yet the memories I have are still as fresh as the day they happened.  I could rattle off stories for days of the ups and downs I’ve seen.  The laughs I’ve had, the friends I’ve made, the girls I’ve dated, and the places I've been.  I could tell you all those things, but those are stories for another time.  What’s most important is what I’ve come to realize as I’ve grown older during these 20 years.  I’ve learned more and more about the lessons from your life.  You struggled with your own demons, but you still made sure that I was always safe with the rest of the family. I was able to learn right and wrong early on. Even though I still struggle with mistakes and follies along the way, I do my best to take care of those that matter and make the right choices.  I know you loved me and wanted the best for me always.  It’s my hope that with each day of my life I can make you proud and hopefully pass along this wisdom to my kids. Thank you Mom.

Love,

Shaun

Live in the moment

As I'm sitting here I have come to conclusion that what if's and maybe's aren't real.  They exist only in our imagination.  They are polarized realities that we wish for as an escape from our current situation.  All we have is right now.  Whatever lies before us.  Good or bad.  The problem with that is we continue to try to live in these imaginative outcomes rather focusing on what waits ahead of us.

All we can do is identify the situation and try to make the best of it.  The script plays out before us.  We make our best efforts to dictate the scenes, but even we cannot control the most minute of details. It appears that is the harmonious dichotomy of life.  The everlasting yearning for control and the forceful pushback to let things play out as they were meant to be.

At the end of every day, we must be able to lay our heads down and be ok with the life that we lived today.  Forgiveness can come from within and potentially from beyond a force we cannot comprehend.  We can hope for it from others, but should never expect.

Through every crack, life grows.  I think back to my life growing up in the concrete jungle.  Every nook and cranny was covered with asphalt, concrete, or brick; yet, time and other natural forces would create tiny fissures in all these man made constructs.  From them, new life would grow.  Through these breaks, cracks, and tiny faults any person could see natural beauty begin to form if they were paying enough attention.

It is through this that we see natural beauty.  It is in despair that we find solace. Only when we are driven to our weakest points, do we find strength.  The world and our individual worlds are destined to be in balance and it is only from highs can we find lows and only in lows do we yearn to climb higher. 

2015 Year In Review

                2016 here you are.  I think it's only right to reflect upon 2015 before I get to my hopes, goals, and overall feelings on the coming year.  All in all, I'd have to say that 2015 was a very exciting year.  It was a year of growth, learning, and change.  It's very fitting that this year of change also happened to be the last year of my 20's.  In hindsight, it's seems extremely fitting that this past year was the last year before I enter a new phase of my life.

                I can recall sitting on the couch of my old apartment with a glass of 12 grapes in hand with only 30 minutes left in the year 2014.  The 12 grapes at midnight tradition came from my friend Cindy.  She had my friend Anthony and me join her family in doing it when we were young.  I had forgotten about it until very recently.  The first year I did it on my own proved to be a very good year for me so I decided to stick with the tradition.  However, I couldn't shake the feeling that 2015 would be a very tough year.  Perhaps it was my own insecurities that I had seen and experienced too many good opportunities in recent years.  There's no way that life could spoil me for another year. 

                I entered the year with trepidation.  I was paranoid about something going horribly wrong for me.  I lived life as if I was standing on a glass floor with a cavern of infinite depths underneath me.  It's a very frightening way to view the world, it's all I knew for most of my time growing up and even into adulthood.  Thankfully, though, I couldn't have been more wrong about the past year.  2015 was one of the best years of my life.

                I'm the type of person that only holds a few relationships dear to my heart.  The friendships I have had up until this point have been galvanized over years.  2015 strengthened so many more bonds in my life,  particularly the ones on a professional.  Throughout this year, the relationships I have with my coworkers were tested because of the natural pressures of the workplace.  However, we came together like never before.  Not only that, but I truly believe that some very strong friendships were forged throughout that process.  I know that's true for me because I'm a little teary eyed as I think about those amazing people as I write this. 

                At the end of this past year, I wanted to thank all of those people that I work with, but the excessive amount of sangria that I drank prohibited me.  Christine, Kaitlyn, and Stefanie have truly been my older sisters since I started working with Chamonix and I can honestly say that I wouldn't be the man I am today without them.  I have grown up with them and the past 6 years have definitely been destiny.  What's even better?  I saw each of them grow up in their own ways and I couldn't be happier to see each of them overcoming obstacles and accomplishing their dreams.  It gives me great joy to see them happy day in and day out.  Particularly after all the obstacles we have had to overcome individually and as a collective.

                 2015 also was a huge breakthrough in my friendship with Bolos.  I knew from the first time I met him that this dude was someone I would along with extremely well.  Despite that, though, we had our struggles like any friendship.  However, this man showed me so much about the world and definitely helped me grow up.  Even though I thought I had lived a full life, he showed me that there was much I still did not know.  I'm proud to call this man a brother of mine and that moniker of brother is one that I hold very dear and rarely give out.

                Lastly,  in 2015 I found out what love is.  For the last few years, I gave up on the whole concept.  What was the point?  It was easier to just focus on the self and just live life for me.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  Sure love takes work, but it's so much more fulfilling.  It brightens the colors of the world, amplifies the sounds, and deepens the bonds of the world we live in.  Even though love and loving someone has setbacks and difficulties, I wouldn't have traded the experiences for anything.  It's been a magic carpet ride right out of a Disney animated story. 

                All in all, 2015 was a very good year for me on a personal, financial, professional, and romantic level.  I have no regrets about any of the 365 days.  I look forward to continuing the success of the past year and making many more strides in life in 2016.

Sample Writing

I've been trying to find ways to deal with my daily stresses and inability to sleep at night.  My newest idea is to just anything before I go to bed until my mind is exhausted.  By that time, I won't have anything on my mind and can sleep easy.

Here's my latest production.  Any thoughts?

Scratch. Scratch. Crack. Pop.  The sound of the needle striking the record filled his dimly lit apartment.  The cracking and subsequent pop strangely reminded him of bacon sizzling in the frying pan and then a loud pop to signal that it was time to remove it from the heat.  The soothing sounds of a simpler life.  It is these little things that could always ease his restless mind.  In fact, it is these seemingly insignificant moments that he looked forward to whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Then the song came on, "I've got you under my skin.
I've got you deep in the heart of me.
So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me."

Ben softly sang the lyrics along with ol' Frank Sinatra almost as if they were onstage together back in back in the 50s and 60s.

Listening to vinyl in the 21st century is practically unheard of, unless you are a person who is far into their golden years.  Ben, however, is not one of these people.  He's in the prime of his life during a generation where everything is digital and thousands of songs can fit on a device no larger than a stick of chewing gum.  Phenomenal world that he lives in, truly.  By no means is he opposed to this lifestyle either.  He owns an iPhone with hundreds of songs that he has been collecting for years and each of them with a story of significance.

Still, the interesting part of his affinity towards playing records is that he enjoyed the imperfections.  The cracks and the pops and authenticity of the vocalist's voice are so much more meaningful to him.   He felt more connected with the message of the song.  There was no digital enhancement, no auto tune, zero Dolby surround sound, and the list can go on with tech babble.

"I'd sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of havin' you near"

As the record spun, Ben escaped deeper away from the pressures of the world to a time when flaws and imperfections were much more prevalent and there wasn't a minimum requirement of mistake-free.  Everyone's life today has to lived error free. There's no opportunity for even the first shoe to drop, let alone the second.
Sadly, he is and always has been a culprit of this. Like the proverbial kid with his hand in the cookie jar, he has always been found guilty of such maintaining such an unrealistic expectation of perfection.  One of his few escapes is his love of listening to records.

Ever since he was a student, his sole goal was always perfection.  Being the best wasn't enough because the best isn't always perfect.  A high score of a 95  in the class wasn't a 100.   This maddening trend continued into high school and college.  Anything short of excellence was deemed unsuccessful.  This innate feeling stemmed from a turbulent childhood.  Furthermore, he carried this baggage into the early years of his professional career.  Despite successes and accomplishments far beyond expectations, to him, these final results were flawed.  Imperfect.  Not right.

Crack.  Crack. POP!

"And I like you under my skin."

The beautiful imperfection of the record easing him away from the lofty expectations in his own world.  Such a sweet melody.


As the record scratched to a stop, he leaned forward in his recliner to grab a sip of Scotch, his ideal companion for record playing.  At that moment, for some unidentifiable reason, he thought about her.  Perhaps it was the song that was playing or maybe the pair of green mittens that she left on his recliner the last time he saw her.  Either way, thoughts of her ran through his mind.  And just like the record, she was imperfect; yet, she truly calmed his soul.

She was not the picturesque woman that becomes plastered across billboards in NYC or the bikini model on the cover of Sports Illustrated.  First of all, she was short.  Shorter than typical standards, but it worked for them almost by design.  Whenever they would lay together, her head would lay snug on his chest with their toes meeting at the same point together so that they could intertwine.  Faint freckles dotted her face; contrary to the airbrushed, photoshopped complexion that women aspire to daily.  Yet, it was as if each of those tiny freckles were meant to be there - placed with the most deft of hands.  Her smile was no Mona Lisa, but it was the light in the darkest of rooms.  The color of her eyes were similar to that of the hundreds of pairs of eyes that he had seen in his life, but there was a deeper serenity that he saw while gazing into them.  They gave him the feeling one would have while staring up a vast moonlit summer sky on a clear night: amazing, remarkable, and breathtaking all at the same time.

The Bigger Picture

Too often we become caught up in the tiring, annoying details of our daily lives and lose sight of the bigger picture.  We're worried about getting a nicer car, settling disputes over silly arguments, buying a new outfit for a date, etc.  Sure, these concerns are all important in context.  I'm not above any of them either, but I feel it's important to never lose focus of being thankful for what you DO have in your life.  Today an event at my office definitely put that back into perspective for me.

As my coworkers and I sat in our office discussing strategy and how we're going to handle the problems that face the company in the short and long term, a man walked into the building and began speaking with my CEO's assistant.  We couldn't hear what they were saying, but the man obviously looked tired as there were beads of sweat dripping from his forehead.  Now today was no scorcher by any means, but he certainly looked exhausted as if he had been walking through the desert with the sun beating down on him.

Mary, my CEO's assistant, walks in and says the man is looking for a job. He's willing to take any position whether it is packing boxes in the warehouse or answering customer service calls.  George, my CEO, walks out to speak with Ernesto.  Now, unbeknownst to us, our shipping manager actually asked for additional help in the shipping department 15 minutes earlier.  George walks Ernesto, who also speaks Spanish, which is very helpful since the shipping manager speak fluent Spanish, to meet his future boss.

When George comes back to the office with my coworkers and me, he explains to us the conversation that he had with the man.  It turns out that Ernesto walked the entire office park, which is quite massive, knocking on every single office door looking for a job.  It would take a normal person at least a week to even come close to reaching every office.  We don't know where he started and how far along into his journey we were, but he was able to find a job with us.  More importantly the journey itself, was his motivation for all of it.  He was doing this to feed his two kids.  He had no job and no income.  He was willing to do whatever it took to provide a life for his family.

The fascinating part of this story is that 45 minutes earlier, no one knew that we needed help in the shipping department.  That meeting my CEO and his shipping manager had created an opportunity for this dedicated man to provide a meal for kids.  The timing and coincidence of it all is just so spectacular. 

At the end of the day, all I could think about was what this guy was willing to do and how the problems I had on this day paled in comparison.  Now I know I'm not well off, but I have opportunity around me.  Whoever reads this, please take the time and appreciate what you have around you and don't take it granted.  There are too many times when we become so caught up in the superficiality of most problems that we forgot real struggles.  Now I know we all live tough lives in perspective, but we should never forget the blessings that we do have in this world.  Whenever you can, reflect on the good things that surround you and be thankful for them.  Appreciate them.  Love them.

Good Night.

That Ole Christmas Feeling

Essentially that feeling of Christmas should have begun 29 days ago. Twenty-nine days ago, it was the day after Thanksgiving, which is when most businesses enter their peak selling season and look to close out the books on a positive note. We, as consumers, have all become so preoccupied with using this time to find that perfect gift for our friends, family, or the eccentric coworker that you picked in the annual Secret Santa that Christmas seems to have become a
chore instead of a holiday. Sadly, in the past 29 days, I have fallen victim to this and have probably felt a Christmas spirit for about 10 minutes.

Despite my best efforts, I was just unable to find any holiday cheer this year. I created a Christmas station on Pandora for my commute to work, but only that worked for the first few days. There are only so many times that someone can hear Jingle Bells performed by every single recording artist ever before it becomes stagnant. The holiday decorations that beautifully illuminated the homes and neighborhoods I drove through on the way home evoked some cheer, but it was short-lived. The Santa, Frosty, and Rudolph blow-ups outside the Christmas tree farm near my house would make me smirk a bit, but mainly because I always found those large, floppy figures somewhat amusing.

However, I refused to accept the fact that I was becoming a Scrooge; yet, it was so hard to find that heart-warming holiday cheer you feel when watching one of those Christmas stories on ABC Family. Yes, I even tried watching one of those aforementioned shows on ABC Family and it just didn’t work. Had I had lost or even forgotten that joyous feeling that is intrinsic during this season? That’s when I was able to pinpoint where I believed that joy came from years ago when we are all younger: hope, love, and thankfulness.

Sure, at the age of 6, we were hopeful and thankful for different things compared to now, but it's those feelings that make Christmas special. Even though we are older, we shouldn’t forget those feelings simply because the times have changed and we are no longer children anymore.

For many people I know, this year has been difficult for a myriad of reasons. However, they continue to wake up each day hopeful that better things are to come, love the life they have, and are thankful for the blessings in that life. Especially as Christmas approached, they became even more thankful for the times they have with the loved ones in their life.

It wasn’t until I started realizing the gifts that I have to be thankful for this year that I
truly started feeling that glorious feeling of Christmas. Sure, I may not receive the most gifts or the priciest gifts this holiday season that were listed as the “must have” gifts of the season, but I’m perfectly content with the gifts that I do have. You know, the things that cannot be found at a Macy’s One Day Holiday Sale, Best Buy, or on Amazon.com. It’s those things that make Christmas time special, not necessarily what is buried underneath the dancing penguin wrapping
paper.

In short, take the time to be thankful for the amazing people you have in your life, love the life you live because it is a gift, and maintain a relentless, hopeful spirit this holiday season.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays