Lost That Fire

Lately, I've been stuck in a rut that I can't seem to pull myself out of. I've fallen into the same routine week after week. It's becoming frustrating. I know that's not me. I know I've always preferred some order to complete chaos, but that little bit of chaos that I used to know is now long. I miss the excitement and I miss the occassional randomness.

Also, I feel like that desire I used to have is slowly fading away. I guess it's from the continued lack of success I've had with finding a job and getting out of this retail grind. Everyone says to be thankful that I'm still employed and can pay my bills because there are hundreds of people clamoring for my position. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for it. However, I've settled into the position and I shouldn't. I should be searching harder and demanding every opportunity as if my job is on the line. It sounds so easy to say the solution to my own problem in the previous line, but I still know I won't go as hard as I should. I really need that kick in the backside to really get myself in gear. I'm stuck in the mud right now with my wheels spinning; hopefully, everyone reading this is ok with that metaphor.

After I finish writing this little update I'm probably going to back on the hunt for jobs, get some fax numbers to a few positions I applied to within the past few days, and then forward my resume to those companies directly. I'm hoping that I can catch a break and that in turn will light those fires I used to have less than a year ago when I was on the cusp of graduating and thought opportunity was right around the corner. I was smacked with reality and now tend to be more realistic regarding this whole job search. Unfortunately, my realism sometimes turns to pessimism and that's when I need that kick in the behind.

Anyway, I'm done thinking now. Goodnight.