The Struggle for Why

Today's blog is more of a rant on myself moreso than anything else. As of late I've been questioning why I do certain things and trying to justify all the decisions I make in my life. Sometimes I search for the answers to why internally or I seek the advice and opinions of others. It's as if I have to convince myself beyond a shadow of doubt that whatever decision I am about to make is the right one. However, I have come to realize that is one of my problems.
Too often I search for the reasons in everything I do.

I came to that conclusion while talking to my former boss Rob today. He told me that I stress myself out searching for the right reasons instead of just acting on what I feel is best for me at the time. Now I may not know if it is actually best for me until after the fact, but it's worth trying. Is it wrong that I plan out my actions so meticulously before I act upon them or should I be less hesitant and slightly more impulsive. I'm not sure. It is hard to find that harmonious balance.

All in all, I still conflicted on certain decisions in my life right now, but I need to decide what makes me feel the best now instead of searching for the right justification.

Unnecessary Expressions of Love

Most of you who probably read this next entry will find it quite humorous and in retropsect, I find the topic of it funny as well. However, at the same time that these events occurred I found it quite annoying and just unnecessary on behalf of everybody involved. Let me start by setting up the story. The 17 year old kid who lives next door to me has very strict parents who barely let him out of his house. Fortunately for him, he has a girlfriend who adores him and comes to see him practically every single day at any hour. Whenever they are with another, greeting one another, or leaving one another's embrace they turn a simple moment into the sappy climax of the world's greatest love story. Here are the examples.
So I'm driving home from work one night and I've had one of those awful days. The scum of humanity passed my way that day and the day seemed to drag on. I could not wait to come inside my house and crash in my bed. I essentially had it with people for the day and did not want to be bothered. As I'm pulling into my parking space, I see the two kids, holding one another. It just so happened that it was a clear, spring evening and the moon was full. Why I noticed those things, who knows? Also, they happened to be standing underneath a willow tree which made the whole situation much more dramatic than it needed to be. Now I can't blame the kids for the scenery, but what transpired next was simply over the top. I walk past and I hear him say to her, "I love you."
She replies, "I love you and without you in my life I would be incomplete."
To that he responds, "Baby, I don't know where I would be in this world if not for you."
Now that sort of correspondence continues as I walk away and I can no longer hear them. Now I'm all for love and everything that comes along with it, but within reason. As I turn to open my door, I glance back and see them slowly lean in for one of those passionate kisses. When I saw that I just went inside and went to bed.
Scene 2:
I'm walking outside my house with an empty laundry basket on my way to pick up my washed clothes. It's raining out and the two of them had just parted ways. The girl was walking away and the boy was watching her and I was caught in the middle. I immediately stepped back as to not get in between the romantic scene that was about to ensue. As she walks away into the downpour, she stops to turn to him. Before she says anything, he responds, "Don't go so soon," and then proceeds to run towards her. They then begin kissing passionately in the rain. I felt as if I were stuck in a scene from The Notebook as I'm there just holding my laundry basket.
In hindsight, I guess it is funny how extreme these kids are and possibly a great thing that they love one another so much. If only they could learn to keep some privacy.

Life Lesson

So as some of you may know and for the others who may not, my grandfather was in the hospital from January until a little less than a week ago. Since the day he went into the hospital, I was thrust into a situation that I was not ready for nor was I eager to accept. I was responsible for the daily care of my grandmother, the monitoring of my grandfather's life threatening condition, the household itself, recovering finances and making some very difficult choices. Now these aren't common things that a 23 year old who just finished college typically deals with. In addition, I still had to manage my own responsibilities and not drop the ball on any of those either. It was during these months that I was not only responsible for my own well-being, but also the lives of the two people who essentially raised me from when I was young boy.
Well today, those 6 months of stress, frustration, and worrying culminated into one moment of sheer relief and gratitude. The day started off like any other day off from work for me: shower, make breakfast, and run errands for the household. However, when I sat down for breakfast my grandfather joined me this time. It was an unusual occurrence because he had been gone for so many months.
He just looked at me and said, "Shaun..I really let everything get out of control. Even before I went into the hospital, things were a mess. I'm sorry I put you into this situation, but at the same time I'm glad because you saved both your grandmother and I. I sincerely want to thank you. I hope you learned a lot of life lessons from this."
It was in that moment I just relieved. I finally felt like everything was under control. I had done it. I didn't need his apology or his thanks to feel that way, but I felt that the man who navigated life all those years was back on course.
To him I simply replied, "You're welcome. After everything you both did for me, what I did the last few months still can't even begin to compare to."
After a short pause, I continued, "I did learn a lot from this. I know that when the time comes I will be ready to manage a household and care for a family of my own. Instead of just being given the advice like most twenty-somethings preparing to venture out onto their own, I've actually lived the life for a short time."
Now as I sit here, I know they're still not out of the woods and it's going to be difficult and I'm going to have to be the strong one in the family. I'll probably still get upset and frustrated when things don't seem to pan out as I want or life throws me another curveball, but I can't let it hold me down. It's in those times when I'm feeling down and out that I have to remind myself that I'm not only responsible for my own life at this point, but the lives of two other peoople. I've managed a family, maintained a household, and brought them out of very difficult times. One just has to keep pushing and just simply make it happen, regardless of what stands in your way.

The Pseudo Relationship: Good or Bad?

This next topic came about after a discussion with my friend Anthony regarding one of our mutual friends. I’m sure most of you have been there and if not you, then you know somebody who has. After a quick Google search, I realized that there were other pieces written regarding this pseudo relationship epidemic.

I feel I should begin with a quick overview about what the pseudo relationship is from my point of view. I feel the PR (pseudo relationship) exists between two people, usually friends, who have no real commitment towards one another. They are not devoted to one another, yet there is still some form of emotional connection there. It’s that awkward stage between friendship and a full blown relationship.
Here are some symptoms of the PR:

· The two of you talk every day and quite frequently.
· You think about them randomly throughout the day because of a slight mental trigger.
· That person evokes a good feeling from you.
· You typically have the urge to contact them about nonsense.
· Going out of your way to do something unreasonable

If you have acknowledged the existence of some these symptoms regarding a relationship with a person in your life right now with whom you have no commitment to, then yes, you were unknowingly in a pseudo relationship.
Now this current blog is a collaborative effort between my good friend Anthony Diaz and I. The next part of this entry will try to explain why this PR exists and I will take a more positive view on it while Anthony will explain the negatives.

It is in my opinion that a PR exists because there is some connection between the two people involved. Based on what I’ve noticed from my friends who have been involved in one, I have come to these conclusions. Clearly, there is some mutual interest between them and they do enjoy what one another brings to the table. However, there are clearly roadblocks. Maybe one of the parties prefers not to be committed, but enjoys the feelings they receive the other member of the PR. Perhaps, one individual fulfills a variety of wants that other searches for in a romantic partner, but they lack one specific need. Possibly they can’t be together because of one’s lifestyle choice, i.e. Chasing Amy. (I’m just throwing that in there because I watched the movie recently.) All in all, I do not think these relationships are not as terribly wrong as long as they are navigated with care. They could blossom into something more, continue at the same pace at which they are currently are or fizzle out entirely. Like most things, I say let things play themselves out and enjoy the ride.

Now here’s Anthony’s take on the whole thing:
Pseudo relationships are a blight on my existence. Most relationships I have had with women tend to be of the pseudo persuasion. There are several pros but soooo many more cons to these kinds of relationships. The cons tend to be a compromising of your character i.e., a tendency to do things that go against your very nature in order to please the female in your pseudo relationship, a need to be the emotional pillow for said female, also an inherent loss of masculinity. The pros I feel are not really pros but false positive things we tend to make up in order to deal with the pseudo relationship. One of the biggest false positives we have is making up this reason that talking to the person gives us a sense of fulfillment that we could not receive anywhere else. Personally I think its bullshit. Another false positive is just having the token female presence in your life is sometimes good when you’re constantly in a sea of testosterone. The problem with pseudo relationships doesn’t stem from the relationship themselves but from the people. The people that tend to get involved in these types of commitments are, let’s face it, pussies and I am talking about men and woman.

We all have problems and we try to find another person that can help us cope with our own bullshit while helping them cope with theirs. As I said before we use these particular people as emotional pillows while fulfilling that physical need with someone else. We enjoy the conversations and just genuinely being around that person so much that we won’t do anything to mess it up. Society today has been so compelled to put a label on something. However to do that, we feel we can upset the delicate balance that so many people in pseudo relationships work hard to establish. Another thing is that maybe the feelings are completely one sided and it seems like the other person likes us and likes the attention, the calls, the texts, the Facebook comments; when in reality they simply just like the attention. We, however, are so caught up in the possibility of them liking us that we are too blind to see and again we don’t want to ruin what we do have. We don’t want to turn the situation into something awkward and destroy the friendship. So we put up with it. Basically folks I am saying you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. It honestly depends how long you can stomach the situation.
That is all.

Random Nuggets of Wisdom

So I always meet the most unusually interesting elderly people at work. Today was no different.
This odd looking man came in right at the start of the morning and I knew he was one of those guys that wanted to talk about life. Most of the times, I just listen to what they have to say and take note of whatever wisdom they have to offer. I figure they've gotten through that much of life, they must know something.
Anyway, he starts talking to me about his brand new entertainment system that apparently cost him a good amount of money. Then he proceeds to tell me how his wife comes up to him a few weeks later talking about how they need new kitcken countertops. He tells her she's right but they agreed the granite ones would be too expensive. Next he tells me she just points to the entertainment system and he just nods his head in approval. That's where his first wisdom nugget comes in. He tells me, when you're married...she's always right, just say yes.
The next nuggest of wisdom is that the key to longevity is find a way to stay off each other's nerves. He told me that during the majority of his marriage he had to take business trips across Asia at weeks at a time. He said that time apart allowed them some freedom to maintain the happiness and not drive each other insane.
That is all.