This next topic came about after a discussion with my friend Anthony regarding one of our mutual friends. I’m sure most of you have been there and if not you, then you know somebody who has. After a quick Google search, I realized that there were other pieces written regarding this pseudo relationship epidemic.
I feel I should begin with a quick overview about what the pseudo relationship is from my point of view. I feel the PR (pseudo relationship) exists between two people, usually friends, who have no real commitment towards one another. They are not devoted to one another, yet there is still some form of emotional connection there. It’s that awkward stage between friendship and a full blown relationship.
Here are some symptoms of the PR:
· The two of you talk every day and quite frequently.
· You think about them randomly throughout the day because of a slight mental trigger.
· That person evokes a good feeling from you.
· You typically have the urge to contact them about nonsense.
· Going out of your way to do something unreasonable
If you have acknowledged the existence of some these symptoms regarding a relationship with a person in your life right now with whom you have no commitment to, then yes, you were unknowingly in a pseudo relationship.
Now this current blog is a collaborative effort between my good friend Anthony Diaz and I. The next part of this entry will try to explain why this PR exists and I will take a more positive view on it while Anthony will explain the negatives.
It is in my opinion that a PR exists because there is some connection between the two people involved. Based on what I’ve noticed from my friends who have been involved in one, I have come to these conclusions. Clearly, there is some mutual interest between them and they do enjoy what one another brings to the table. However, there are clearly roadblocks. Maybe one of the parties prefers not to be committed, but enjoys the feelings they receive the other member of the PR. Perhaps, one individual fulfills a variety of wants that other searches for in a romantic partner, but they lack one specific need. Possibly they can’t be together because of one’s lifestyle choice, i.e. Chasing Amy. (I’m just throwing that in there because I watched the movie recently.) All in all, I do not think these relationships are not as terribly wrong as long as they are navigated with care. They could blossom into something more, continue at the same pace at which they are currently are or fizzle out entirely. Like most things, I say let things play themselves out and enjoy the ride.
Now here’s Anthony’s take on the whole thing:
Pseudo relationships are a blight on my existence. Most relationships I have had with women tend to be of the pseudo persuasion. There are several pros but soooo many more cons to these kinds of relationships. The cons tend to be a compromising of your character i.e., a tendency to do things that go against your very nature in order to please the female in your pseudo relationship, a need to be the emotional pillow for said female, also an inherent loss of masculinity. The pros I feel are not really pros but false positive things we tend to make up in order to deal with the pseudo relationship. One of the biggest false positives we have is making up this reason that talking to the person gives us a sense of fulfillment that we could not receive anywhere else. Personally I think its bullshit. Another false positive is just having the token female presence in your life is sometimes good when you’re constantly in a sea of testosterone. The problem with pseudo relationships doesn’t stem from the relationship themselves but from the people. The people that tend to get involved in these types of commitments are, let’s face it, pussies and I am talking about men and woman.
We all have problems and we try to find another person that can help us cope with our own bullshit while helping them cope with theirs. As I said before we use these particular people as emotional pillows while fulfilling that physical need with someone else. We enjoy the conversations and just genuinely being around that person so much that we won’t do anything to mess it up. Society today has been so compelled to put a label on something. However to do that, we feel we can upset the delicate balance that so many people in pseudo relationships work hard to establish. Another thing is that maybe the feelings are completely one sided and it seems like the other person likes us and likes the attention, the calls, the texts, the Facebook comments; when in reality they simply just like the attention. We, however, are so caught up in the possibility of them liking us that we are too blind to see and again we don’t want to ruin what we do have. We don’t want to turn the situation into something awkward and destroy the friendship. So we put up with it. Basically folks I am saying you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. It honestly depends how long you can stomach the situation.
That is all.
Anthony, sorry to go against your beleif that people purposely put themselves into these PR's; but some just find some one they can be utterly close with and still share the physical side, thus being in a kind of relationship or better known friendship with benefits without all the ties. All I am saying is that just because one has a PR does not mean they are "pussies" nor does one lose their masculinity, it simply shows one person has found another they can tolerate without driving themselves into a habit of just fucking anything that spreads their legs. I am not targeting anyone in particular but simply saying that the way your looking at this is incorrect. One can have said relationship and still maintain touch with the outside world, its when a person is in a relationship and decides to cut off all communication with everyone that one has become a pussy.. this means that the person has made the other their center of thier world and it becomes a disease not a relationship.
ReplyDeleteSo if a person has a friend with benifits then all of a sudden they are totally different? so if a man is in a sea of testoterone, then goes and does something with the same person then they are different, but its ok for a person to go and screw multiple partners, because that makes no difference, is that correct?
well let me tell you that a friendship with benifits in times can be good, because there is no jealousy tied in there, and if there is then there is emotional ties as well, that i will agree with this above article. i will also add that being comfortable you can tell some one how your day went, have sexual activities and still go hang out with other people does not make them any different than that first part being nonexistant.
pros:
-no need to have multiple partners (unless one is not good enough)
-someone you can sit there and not need to go on dates to enjoy their presence
-you can share time with mutual friends and not feel worried about saying something that will cause an argument
-less arguments
-understanding its a friendship with added bonuses
- and so on
cons:
-one can have an emotional attatchment and become hurt
-both parties might find that it was a mistake and things become complicated (friendship ends)
that is all i can come up with, well ones that make sense.